I had low self esteem , along the way of my growing up and marriage to Papa Koh. I never thought what kind of wife I am to him or a daughter I am to my parents.
Being a first time parent was tough, but I always thought I was coping well with motherhood, of being a daughter, a wife and a career woman.
I remembered the first time my Dad reprimanded me for not knowing how to cook porridge for his grandson. That struck me , what a horrible mum I am. I gathered tips from mum and mother-in-law to cook a decent porridge for Royce. I strive hard to know to how to cook more dishes, so my kids will come home for dinner when they are bigger. Moving forward 3 years later , not that I know a lot more dishes, but I know I can put food down on the table for my kids.
The daughter role that I played, the rebellious , not wanting to come home. I don't give a damn if my mum waits up for me. To a now because I have kids, and I saw how my parents take care of them and loving them. It will not be any less love for me and my brother back then. It made me travelled back home more often to visit them and to have meals with them. I am not able to pay back them the amount of money and love they spent on me, but I do it my own ways to repay them back anyway possible.
Maybe all these while, in a long term relationship. I do admit we take my spouse for granted . While being married for 2 years, I wouldn't give in on any arguments that could sometimes lead to ugly incidents. The parents that we are now, do not allow the quarrel to lead to the next day. As we did not want the anger to affect the kids.
Being a mother , naturally I put my kid first before me . This has given me a new perspective to take a step back and check on my husband's needs. The little things , for e.g when he is back home from a run , I get him water . Which do lead to better quality in the relationship.
As my career role, the mistakes that I do, will trigger me to think what kind of mother I have reflected on my kids. As I will very much like them to excel in this aspect of their life. I am constantly trying to make improvements. In hope that what attitude I have for work , will be the same in everything that I do.
Motherhood bring out the best in me and I am loving it.
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